OH LORD…. It is the Eve of my BEAUTIFUL son turning One…. And I’m “coping” by listening to sappy music drinking Champagne with my husband. A glimpse to the playlist…
Forever Young
It Won’t be like this for Long
Your Song
Sweet Child of Mine
Yep- I’m fully aware I am torturing myself… 😉 #judgenot
I knew I was going to write a personal post today for a long time. But I (even as I start to type this) haven’t decided on the best way to approach it. I can talk a lot, *those of you who know me are saying “amen”*,but I don’t think I could EVER be finished talking about how much I love my Jax. I keep thinking of what to write but saying things like “He’s everything” isn’t enough! Because I love him more than anything, ever….I mean, ever…
Jax is amazing…Jax is sweet. I swear he in intuitive about what you need. For example, on Christmas day, he sat with my grandma for probably a good hour and just rested with her. It was her first Christmas without her husband. It’s like he knew she needed love. I recently had a long drive to MI and I was super stressed out. Jax didn’t make a peep once, It’s like he knew I needed a calm drive. He’s dramatic! He cracks me up. He takes the tiniest fall and it’s all out melt down. If you take something away from him that he wants, even if it’s dangerous for him, big, fat crocodile tears. He’s smart. He mimics you, he watches everything and I can just see in his face he’s learning. When he was 4 months old he figured out if he holds a book over his face it keeps the sun from bothering his eyes. I think that’s so smart. I just love him SO much!
I can’t believe he is ONE!
The day we took Jax home from the hospital, I sat in the backseat with him. Beaming. Pinching myself.” Is this a baby in my car? Is this MY baby in my car? I made this? I made this perfect, PERFECT little person?” I just watched him breathe, I took a video of him, I took 70 photos of him on the ride from the hospital to our house (fifteen minutes away). A song that came on the radio was “These Are Days” by Natalie Merchant but not just any version…the siriusxm coffeehouse version which is this slow, sappy, tear jerker. I just bawled. How was this truly my life? How did I get so blessed? If that song comes on (but it has to be that version, that slow, sappy, acoustic version) no matter what is going on, I am immediately taken back to that moment in the car and I can’t help but cry. My baby.
These are days you’ll remember
I went into labor on June 11th, 2013 around 4:30pm. My sister in law was over and my husband was still at work. We were watching TV on the couch. I started to feel pains, so I started to time them. Sure enough, they were 12 minutes apart. I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t want to freak her out since she was home alone with me. She left a few minutes later and I called Josh to tell him I thought I was in labor and to see when he thought he would be home. He was on the way. We had no idea how much our life was about to change.
Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be as warm as this
and as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
Jax was born at 12:30 pm on the DOT on June 12th, 2013 after 20 hard, sweaty, messy hours of labor. I could not believe how much I loved him right away. It hurt. Josh had his face pressed to mine with tears streaming down his face saying “I Love you SO much” as I held my new, PERFECT son for the first time. And I’ve never, ever in my life felt something SO incredible. My husband and my son, there, all 3 of us in the same room. It’s amazing how something that just caused you SO much pain can immediately after create SO much love.
It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you
Jax made me a mom and I will cherish our first year together, forever. And even down the road, when he has sibling(s) and is a moody teenager who doesn’t think his mom is cool (#I’llalwaysbecool)), I will cherish this first year where it was just the two of us all the time.
Jax has been my sidekick…24/7. We’ve traveled a few times as a family of 3, but Jax and I have traveled alone quite a bit this past year. He’s my driving buddy! He fake laughs from the back seat to make me smile. He’s done all the grocery trips with me, the mall escapades as I find a new dress for work, or when I’ve scrambled to get to the post office on time to get invites out. We’ve gone on lunch dates just the two of us and sometimes with friends, we often walk up to the corner to get a coffee together (and now he gets a bagel like a big boy) or get some flowers, or last minute CVS runs. I’ve strapped him to me while I went on photo shoots even in the dead of winter, I’ve strapped him to me while I cleaned the house. We both got a nasty cold this year and the only remedy was to sit in the bathroom with the shower running so we would just sit there flipping through magazines wiping our noses, together. My littlest best friend. I’ve literally crawled into his crib to help him fall asleep when nothing else would work. We’ve hung out in the middle of the night SO many times, you guys don’t even know. And I miss it. I miss our 2am snuggle sessions. We do everything together. He’s another limb of mine. And even though sometimes I feel like I need a break so badly, as soon as I walk out the door for some ME time, I miss him.
<3
These are days you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you with desire to be a part of the miracles you see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true, that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you
Miracles in every hour- so true. The first year is amazing. You have this little guy and on Monday he can’t sit without you holding onto him but on Thursday he can sit for 5 minutes at a time all by himself. Or on Tuesday he doesn’t say a word but by Saturday he will look right at you and say “mama mama”. And with every milestone I burst with pride, my smile nearly breaks my face it’s so big, and then I cry because my tiny baby is growing. It’s painfully bittersweet. But I wouldn’t change
One.Single.Thing
These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.
These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.
And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be.
See the signs and know their meaning.
It’s true, you’ll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you.
I was super emotional about Jax turning 1 the other day. Both happy and sad. It was very confusing and when asked to describe what I was thinking, I finally came up with it….There was once a moment when he wasn’t here, and then the next he was, and ever since then, everything is better….everything….and I only have him here with me, all the time, for 17 more of these birthdays.But at the same time, I can’t wait to see who he becomes.
Motherhood: no one tells ya… 😉
Well, back to my bottle of champagne… here’s a live shot of me
LOL
#I’llgetthroughthis
Thank You for reading my overly sappy post about my baby’s first year.
